Anemic and Sweet

( Mixed city sirens and airplane takeoff's )

( The grass is greener on the otherside )

Jesus fuck christ...reading through old journal entries is pretty intense. Looks like a pitty party to me. Haaa no not really. But damn, I was pretty wrapped up in this whole livejournal thing. I am glad I kept it around though.
I think now I am going to try and use it for different things. Documentation. To document my life as it passes with photos, maybe some food for though...Wait a second, how is that any different from what I THOUGHT I was using it for? Ehh..Oh well..Guess this just cures my boredom for now.

Peace Love and Harmony!

Forever on the rails
What am I to do
With this fucking head of mine
Pulling from side to side
I havent spoke like this since
I let go of cinematic settings
Fucking typical, over used, lyrical feelings
But help because I am
Loosing the balance
Between good and evil
Or loosing the balance
Between then and now
I have always choosen poison over nourishment.







What.The.FUCK.

California air smells...Smells rich in flowers and wild herbs. Seriously...it smells amazing outside. I love it.

I want a compressed air powered car. Apparently fiber glass doesnt make well for crash tests...oh well. wishful thinking.

I cant wait to get a job. I cant wait to go to Laguna beach this weekend to climb rocks and see the ocean. The ocean here isnt something to really gaze upon. Not unless you like looking at industrial buildings pouring pollution into the water....haha maybe I over exaggerate a bit.

The first week here I walked approx. 8-9 miles in one week...Not even trying to exercise or anything...Just walking places, cause you can here. Its nice to know I can walk just about anywhere around here.


Sleepy...

A nearly dry town matches well for a nearly dry me....Ha. So stupid sounding.
Saturday marks the date. I don't know when is the last time I have gone this long with out drinking. Pathetic. I actually don't feel crazy about not drinking in three weeks. I feel fine. I feel even better since it's been that long since I have had a hit of someone's smoke. Eeww. My lungs are clear and I can take deeps breaths without my lungs clenching. Yum. It's not that I miss drinking...cause in all reality, I don't miss drinking. I miss sharing the time with my friends. Even if it is drinking, how we spend our time...Whenever we do..its a wonderful time. I wish I were drinking with them now. I suspect that drinking will never be like it was, considering I will not have my friends in Ca and the only girl that I will be around for awhile (my roomate) doesn't care for drinking all that much.. And even if she did she is 27 years old with a career...SO no party time for her during the week...probably not weekends either. Yikes. I am going to be the youngest around...That might mean a lot of slooooww, non partying nights, weeks....Hmmmm.....It will be good for my health though. Let my body re-cooperate.

One good thing about drinking with new people is my roomates do not smoke...So I will not be tempted to ask for a hit off their cigarette...Hopefully after awhile, when I start to make new friends if they smoke I will not be tempted to ask them either. I really want to not do that...drinking or not, it doesn't matter. I don't want it.

Anyway, feeling a weird wave of angst..BYE.



I love my sister Nina...I never want anything bad to happen to her. Cause I love her.

It is 8:00 a.m. I am definitely on third shift....I don't so much like it either. Every morning this week, when the sun starts to rise around 5:00, I feel that depressing feeling in my stomach....(you know, the feeling after rolling on X all night, having such a great time, then it starts to wear off and you realize the sun is rising...and you feel gross and weird) well that's the feeling I have been getting all week. Inside my head I am thinking, I should be asleep right now...not awake. I guess it's just because I am not used to sleeping the grave yard hours....How am I supposed to switch back over?!! 
We woke up yesterday around 7:00 p.m....I have now been awake for only 13 hours....pathetic. Ha.Ha.
We found out today that we have to drive to Minnesota today, so Jared can work another week. Sadness. I was really hoping we would be driving to CA. tomorrow. BUUTTT we do need the money so......Oh well.  We do plan on going to the Mall of America while we are there...Although we will not have extra money to be spending so our fun will be limited as to only window shopping. Yay!


My icon pictures are old....I should change them.....Meh.



Xoxo.

I like the smell of old book pages. 

I also like the smell of a fresh xerox'd paper. (I remember back in the day in first or second grade always smelling the papers that were either just printed or xeroxed. The purple ink was still wet from the machine, and the first thing I did was smell my worksheet. What a good smell.)

Ello.

It's around 3:20 am. I finished reading the book I started yesterday.  It was pretty good. Now to start my next....
I suppose I really have nothing to talk about. But I am trying to keep this some what alive. So I must get into the habit of checking/ attempting to write in it daily, I suppose. Today was just another day, like the previous...Jealous cause my friends were hanging out in the mitten. Without me. But I must get use to this. I have to keep reminding myself that once we get to CA. I won't feel half so bad. It just brings me down a bit when I am aware of people having a good time and I am stuck in a hotel room reading a book. Not that I mind reading or anything but I am 22 years old and I could be DRINKING and PARYTING and HAVING FUN with my LADIES...And I'm not. But I suppose that's alright. I just need to get established already. I need to be able to sink my feet into solid ground and establish a little area. For my well being and for a little normalcy.

I am also hoping that once I get to CA I can find something creative to get involved with. Jared is always working on music or the such, and I want to feel like I am involved with something that has something to do with talent. I could work on some talent. I could work on something. I want to be able to feel worthy of it. Like Beth said, I am starting a new life and I can be whoever I want to be. Because no one out there will know me of otherwise. Here (or more like, there) I really wasn't known for doing anything besides drinking and hanging out. I want to go to school...maybe become apart of something within the college. Take the photography classes I have been telling myself for years that I would take. Take any kind of art class. Or maybe become involved with the community. I don't know how well I would do with community work as far as picking up trash, I mean I know I could do it. But my heart wouldn't be picking up some other litter bugs trash. I want to be like the people on Animal Planet!! REALLY REALLY. I want to help the little creatures that roam this planet. :) Especially the KITTIES. haha. 

It would be nice if I could become as interested as Jared in all of the government injustices kind of stuff...Beause in all reality, I am interested but I like hearing the information from Jared or other PEOPLE instead of having to try and find the information myself. Or reading the information. Haha. Maybe a bit lazy, but half the time when I read articles about different things I have no clue who any of the people, that are being referenced in the material are! I have no idea which senator or congressman is which. No clue. I like to be able to ask questions to a live being. So I can receive an answer. I hate begging monitors to respond:)

I suppose I am done for now....



Love,
Ana Alicia.


(I've always enjoyed listening to Bjork, but I have been listening to Homogenic over and over and over lately. And I also wish to buy her new album as soon as possible) !!!!

Hello old friend,

I decided that maybe I would start this whole thing again. I mean, given most people are now linked and addicted to myspace...Good 'Ole Livejournal is a bit slow and lonely. 

We are on our way out to California....the golden state. (had to google that one)... We left a week ago exactly, however we are not there yet. Not even close. Wisconsin is where I am planted and will be planted for another week. (the badger state). 

I thought about livejournal again because I have had a lot of time to myself. The reason why we are here anyway is because Jared is working. 
So my life for the past week and for the next week possibly two are spelled like this:

Wake up around 2:30 p.m. if I am lucky...more like 4ish p.m. Find something to eat...(more than likely a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cup of soy milk)....Ohhhh, lay around in bed with Jared watching Tv, getting online here and there....Then Jared leaves me around 7-8ish p.m.
I stay awake (most of the time online, unless I can find something worth watching on Tv) until around 4ish a.m. REPEAT.

So that is why I thought I'd start writing in this again. Give me something to do...Possibly give my words some sort of way out while I am alone.

Being alone for all  night is a weird thing to endure. It makes for very silent nights. Yeah, there is noise from the Tv, or the cars passing on the highway...But its a very silent night because I, myself, have not spoken a word since 7-8ish p.m.  


I am very excited to get out to CA. I can't wait to start living a healthier lifestyle. I am going to become a vegetarian that doesn't eat fish. :)   I am going to cut out dairy, fried foods, and alot of alcohol out of my diet...hopefully among other things as well. I want to wake up early, get a good night's rest and exercise daily....This will be quite difficult for me, in some areas more than others but I really want to do this. For myself.  I also want to start stimulating my BRAIN!! I need lots and lots of information delivered to my brain to keep it healthy as well. 



Well this was the first attempt to bringing life back to this online journal non-sense....we will see how it goes from here out.


P.s. I forgot to mention how much I miss my best friend. We are taking drinks together right now VIA videos on the cellphone TEXTS. I LOVE HER!
I also miss Avery Jenna Nina and Leah.  (And it's only been a week)

XoXo

Remember me?

How do we dance when the earth is turning?How do we sleep when our beds are burning?


My best friend and I are crazy fuckers. I have been sleeping on a collapsed bed. i think i need a back massage.

I live a life full of intoxicating thoughts...or nights..or whatever.
needless to say, that because of these nights/all day long endeavors my legs have become to look like a little child's...full of bruises from falling/running into things...only mine arent half as innocent as the child's.


and i like it this way.

I have an Albino frog that lives underwater, im wondering if i can let him live in the same tank as my Koi Fish?

hmm...guess ill have to ask an expert.

Hold me a bit tighter, i think the nerve endings that bless the surface of my skin have given up.




Leave me to my devices.

I'm pretty sure that im moving in with blake, unless i can get a couple of roomates by the end of this week, which is doubtful...but if youre interested, you should let me know...

Don't be scared.

Teach me how to live, cause you make me want to die....





tomorrow.with andy.exictement.

This is where I want to be. Surrounded by nothing but the Earth's beauty. Surrounded by massive amounts of water in all directions. The sight of land no where. I want exist there now, and inhale the beauty and exhale everything else. I want to exist there now.

I love my best friend dearly, and i love watching the physco's in her past drive themselves even crazier than what they already are, trying to justify themselves with all their fucking pity...some people just do not know how to grow up..mentality of a fucking child...Yes yes, talk shit...if thats the only way to make yourself feel better, feel fucking free to open your mouth and let the bullshit pour out...lets see how many of us are ACTUALLY listening..just like before...nod your head, and pretend like you actually give a fuck about the words that are flowing from his mouth..right.
No one gives a shit about testosterone boys who know only one thing, fighting...real fucking mature. maybe they should lay off the booze, right? probably.


who am i though? im just her best friend of 11 years- i think i can read her better than anyone else can...so give it up. you sound like a fucking clown.










love,
Beth's TRUE LOVER. (oh, we came out)

its been a long while.
last night was fun as fuck. us 5 girls like to fuck shit up!

nothing to say, cause i dont care to say anything...but i have to say if you want your hair SEXY, have nina do it.


love